reality
“Police say they found the pair living happily as man and wife on a chicken ranch near Campti, Texas, on April 4, 2005.”
I say fight the power; let the police TRY to break up the kind of love and passion only a chain drive can generate. V8 chain drive. Breaking up a man’s love for his machine is deplorable.
Good thing I don’t live in Texas
Details (a design critique)
I saw this young lad on his way to work this morning and it stirred something in my soul. Perhaps it was his blistering pace to work, perhaps it was the beef casserole I had on the back seat, or perhaps it was this young man’s immense design savvy.
A lot of you say to me ‘Spit, you have immense design savvy and a critical eye for proportion- will you come to Penney’s and help me pick out a suit?’ and usually I will go to Penny’s with you, especially in the Spring, during the semi-annual white sale. But instead of relying on my immense design savvy to help occasionally, I want you to have design savvy with you at all times. As a famous eastern teacher used to say; “I dont want to just hand you motor oil, I want to teach you to change the oil yourself”. He was in Brooklyn, across from the Dominos sugar plant.
Friends consider this a teaching moment.
Now, take a look at this young man and note his attention to detail; fine ribs around his shoulders match the fine ribs along the engine; trusses and reinforcing on the leather leisure outfit matches the trusses and reinforcing on the side of the engine case; black leisure outfit matches black tires, black seat, black boots and black Bub exhaust.
Now some will tell you that all of this detail is what makes the design so complete, so fulfilling and so right. Those who try to tell you that details should subordinate to the whole and details should support a larger ‘gestalt’ of design interpretation are losers who could probably never make a proper souffleé, and probably should be taken out back and shot.
So cheers to this young man and his design savvy! I’m guessing his outstanding design insights and his rapid tempo in getting to work him a well deserved promotion and perhaps even a piece of creme de´Beef casserole. Lets just hope that silly drive-shaft didn’t blow out its u-joint before he got to work!
faster!
Loooxury: design critique
Friends, here we have a sad situation. I hold this up as an example of what not to do if you are confronted with designing the interior of a car.
As I peruse the interior of this car I’m struck right away by several ‘misses’; where are the cup-holders? why is the carpet not installed yet? when are the real seats getting installed? where do I put my casseroles?
This interior lacks quite a bit of ‘creature comforts’- a level of busy-ness, complexity and obfuscation to stay on message for the car-company. Sure this may seem like a simple approach, but nobody wants simple. Simple is for simpletons, like people in Florida. Normal people want complexity, luxury and lots of gadgets. I would propose adding seats, deep deep pile carpet, a digital dashboard with plenty of lights (LED’s and electro-luminescent panels), and a place to put a casserole-carrier.
In todays world this approach lacks any sense of knowledge of the state of the art of car interiors- this design copletely misses the mark for car buying end users.
I like metal but not uncarpeted interior metal- hence I am not floor of this car. I like padded under-pants hence I am a door panel in this car. This effort no doubt resulted in someone getting demoted, possibly fired, and poor performance for this poor car and it’s manufacturer.
…and for the love of Rossi move the steering wheel back!
sharing
I received a lot of critical insights from my friends about my last post, and it was valid design feedback.
While I was out sharing some fresh-baked halibut with white wine sauce with my friends and neighbors a few of them pulled me aside and said: ‘Spit, awesome post last week, really outstanding- but as a design critic, why did you fail to comment on the appropriateness of dressing just like your best friend”.
‘Good point’ I had to say, so I’m addressing that very issue right here, right now: Should you and your bff dress alike? To answer that question you need to ask yourself a few questions, and these are fundamental design questions you should always keep in the back of your mind- they can be used to assess almost any situation:
- do I like what my friend wears?
- do I like what my friend bakes?
- does my friend avoid getting beat up much?
- are we the same size?
- can he drive a moped really fast?
- do I like baseball caps?
- does my friend use design to get promoted at work
- does my friend think deeply
if you answered ‘yes’ to the majority of these questions then GO FOR IT. You can’t go very much wrong.
Look at these two strapping lads; no doubt friends for life and they wear each other’s clothes. I’m guessing they’ll be promoted soon and graduate to a full-fledge motorocycle; until one of them puts it into the airfence at Priory- and we know who THAT’s going to be dont we.
Onward!
Style!
No Doubt!
These two lads are no doubt going to have a very productive day simply because they have embraced design. Now is the time to take notes so you too will profit from the valuable lessons shown here.
These two have a lot of STYLE. If you were not aware of that point they have done a brilliant job tipping you off by writing it on there leisure outfits. And if you are still not getting it, they have written it multiple times. In fact they seem to be telling us several things in multiples; the fact that the have style (certainly), their little shieldy thing, and their beautifully embroidered name (in cursive! take notes!). In fact they seem to be multiples of each other…same hair, same name (?) same suave partial-un-zipping of their leisure outfit. Unfortunately the big pudgy one seems to lack a certain…coordination?
No matter! these two are nothing but STYLE! and I’m sure, due to their commitment to stylish design, they got a promotion today at work!
Now take your notes and, using a Bic pen (not lighter), put them on your thigh so you dont forget them.
good luck!
Spring is Here
Here in the UP you can tell spring has sprung from all the spontaneous joyous celebrations.
Why just this morning these young lads were doing handstands and jumping up and down around their just arrived carpool pick-up. Look how they can’t wait to get in the car and get to work!
Take note of the stylish boots these lads are sporting and you just know they had an excellent day at work. Why, with this kind of enthusiasm and the use of mono-chromatic color choices, I’m sure they all got some kind of promotion today at work.
I can’t wait for summer and all the colors and souffle’s!
now get to work and be creative!
Everything gets better with…
maple cinnamon glaze frosting!
I just came in from the sugar shack and the maple syrup is flowing like North Korean artillery rounds! and what better way to spread that stuff than on my patented bacon-choco-chip cookies…mmmmmmm goood. Nothing caps off a northern New Jersey winter day like a hearty dose of fat and sugar; and nothing speaks to fat better than bacon and nothing gets the hypo-glycemia working overtime than chocolate, maple syrup and other fine processed sugars.
now to get some of this back into that gearbox where it belongs!
Winter Driving Tips
as cold weather approaches us here in the UP and we shovel out of our first snowfall I find it in my best interest to advise my friends, colleagues, family members, prison room-mates, cooking club friends and fellow zoo docents on the basics of winter driving.
1) use snow tires (and lots of boost- as my illustration shows boost=torque= get your dumb ass out of a snow-bank)
2) throttle steer (as my illustration shows steering with the throttle only has one consequence- spectator losses; no biggie)
3) when in doubt- punch it (once again refer to my illustration above)
thanks for abiding by the Spit Rules for Winter Driving
xxoo
spit
